How Much is Your Self-Worth?
Hello there!
Well, it’s been a minute since I last wrote in this space. As the days and weeks and months have rolled by, I started noticing at some point that not only was I not creating any new content for my newsletter, but I was outright avoiding it. And deep down, even though I felt a bit embarrassed to acknowledge it, I knew exactly why…
Once upon a time, I used to love to write. I can still remember reveling in my frequent diary entries as a wistful and wondrous kid, writing I-miss-you cards to my grandma and long letters to boyfriends and best friends expressing my love and my anger and my deep teenage musings, creating poetry out of thin air, and generally delighting in creative writing assignments throughout my schooling. When I was 12-years-old I even wrote a chapter story that I was CERTAIN would get published and make me a famous author (I managed to write about seven chapters total in my notebook, but man, it was an exhilarating start to “The Pharaoh’s Labyrinth”!). Buoying my love of writing was also this deep belief, this wise knowing, that I was a GOOD writer. Validation from friends, family, and teachers no doubt strengthened this belief in me (cue: the vital importance of a positive support network at all ages & stages), yet there was a sense of an easy trust in my abilities and a deep connection to a passion that was naturally within me. Writing flowed freely to me back then because, without me even realizing it, I didn’t doubt that I had something valuable and worthwhile to offer in my writing, and because the joy and self-expression I found in writing was what made it worth doing.
And then, as it does for many of us humans, something slowly changed in me…I left my quiet little cove of small town life for the complex universe that is college, and that insidious ‘C’ word began taking root in my soul & my psyche during my 20’s. I’m talking about a little thing called COMPARISON. No longer was I “a good writer” who just enjoyed the act of writing. In fact, I started to believe that I wasn’t really all that “good” at several of the things that I had always felt proud and confident in: singing, performing/acting on stage, and public speaking. Because now, in this diverse and dynamic university setting, I was surrounded by people who I saw as being AMAZING at these skills, who were here to hone and fine-tune and perfect their craft, who brought very different life experiences and knowledge than I did. On many occasion, I found myself eating humble pie after assuming I’d have the “best” presentation in my anthropology class or land my audition for the “best” choir on campus (you can probably guess what actually happened in those instances…)
Working through the disappointment and disillusionment that arose in me during this chapter of my life was an incredibly valuable growth experience. It taught me important lessons in humility, authenticity, and acceptance. It helped me learn more about my strengths and where I needed more support. And yet, there is one element, one hangover thought from that experience that I’ve allowed to run unchecked for a very long time that hasn’t always served me so well…
“Comparison is an act of violence against the self.” - Iyanla Vanzant
As I’ve wrestled with my recent writer’s block, and sought support from fellow coaches, a core thought has revealed itself to me: “I don’t have anything valuable to offer that hasn’t already been said.” Oof. What happened in your body when you read those words? When I said them out loud, I felt my shoulders drop, my chest tighten, a heaviness creep in. And that creativity faucet that lives in each of us? Completely..shut..off. This is what we call the Gremlin, that little protective, scared voice in your head telling you you’re-not-good-enough-and-don’t-even-try-because-if-you-do-something-bad-might-happen-aaaaghhh!!! (I don’t know about you, but my Gremlins can get pretty dramatic…)
How often have you stopped yourself from sharing your voice, from contributing your thoughts and ideas, from expressing your lived wisdom and creativity, from following a passion, or from embracing your uniqueness, because you didn’t believe in your inherent VALUE as your authentic self? Because you didn’t believe you were “good enough” to do so? Because you didn’t believe you were WORTH the time, the investment, the persistence, the JOY of expression and creation?
See, when I started comparing myself to others, my view of myself and what’s “worth” doing in my life became distorted. Rather than enjoying a creative outlet like writing for the sheer joy of doing it, I came to define the act of writing as something that is only for those who are the “best” at it, who bring the most talent and skill. And here’s the funny thing, folks…I’ve come to see everyone else as possessing these kind of gifts, as having something worth saying, as being inherently valuable in their authentic voice.
So cut the comparing. Reconnect to that part wise part of you that KNOWS you’re worthy and valuable, just as you are. When I could finally name that unhelpful Gremlin thought that’s been floating around in my head for years, it suddenly had less power over me. Because what we don’t bring into the light of awareness grows stronger in the darkness of our subconscious mind. And when I could name it, I suddenly saw choice where I hadn’t before: listen to the scared Gremlin, or listen to that wise part of me that KNOWS I have something worth sharing with the world (because 12-year-old me was pretty rad…).
There is literally no one else in the world exactly like you, and everyone we meet is both our teacher and our student. What would be possible if you believed that YOU had something truly VALUABLE to share, too?
I love hearing from my readers, so drop me a line and let me know what came up for you while reading this!
In love, light, and wildness,
Becky
becky@coachinginthewild.com
