Fear or Opportunity?
“At its root, perfectionism isn’t really about a deep love of being meticulous. It’s about fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of failure. Fear of success.”
- Michael Law
When was the last time your little Gremlin reared its head?
You know, that little voice inside (which I’ve mentioned in previous newsletters) that tells you to be afraid, to give up, that you’re going to fail at this, that you have no idea what you’re doing, (cue any other self-defeating or self-critical thought you’ve experienced)...
For me, it was just this morning. And actually, it’s been chattering away at me all week.
I recently stepped into a new and temporary role at work. At first I was hesitant, then optimistic, then excited to be doing something different every day! And now, in my second week in the position, the floodgates of worry and uncertainty have flown open.
Can you relate to this experience of INSECURITY that arises when entering into new territory?
I’ve been wondering: what is it about “new roles”, in work and in life, that bring up these feelings of “not enough”-ness in us? What is it that’s really coming up for me in this moment of change?
And I’ve had some insights that may be helpful next time you find yourself here...
1) Identify the REAL source of your discomfort
Sometimes it can be hard to clearly see what’s actually swirling around inside of us in times of change & transition. It can often help to slow down and take a moment to actually name the feelings coming up and the thoughts that are driving them.
As I began to name my fears and worries around this new role at work, I also started to see bigger struggles in my life emerge...
What should I focus on? Where do I take initiative and where do I collaborate? What am I supposed to know/be doing? What if I embarrass myself or others? (= Risk-averse)
Will I do a good job? Will I meet others' expectations? Will I offer enough value? Will I get it 'right'?
(= Perfectionism)What if I 'screw this up' or inadvertently cause harm? What if I fail to uphold the values & mission of the organization? What if I have no idea what to do? (= Lack of trust)
WHOA...no wonder I was feeling anxious!
It was no surprise, once I uncovered my thoughts and feelings, that these three themes were at the heart of my fear. Striving to do the “right” thing, to not make mistakes, to make everyone happy, and to stay in my comfort zone have all been life-long areas of challenge and growth for me.
And recognizing this, I can actually feel some understanding and compassion for myself...of COURSE these are coming up right now, because my brain is relying on familiar patterns and habits in a time of change! (Hint: your’s does too, because human-ness...)
Once you’ve identified the source of the fear/worry/stress, now you can enter a space of choice and take the next step.
2)Take a DIFFERENT Perspective
I know, this is much easier said than done when you’re SO sure you’re going to mess it up or it’s gonna be terrible or etc., etc., etc. But I’m going to challenge you to do this anyways. Because this is one of the most powerful strategies to change the unsupportive habits of our mind: to consider ANOTHER WAY of looking at your situation.
So I decided to take this approach and asked myself to consider my new role through this lens:
What is the OPPORTUNITY here?
Learning (new skills, new knowledge, more about myself & others)
Connecting (forming new partnerships & relationships in the field/community)
Personal expansion & growth (getting comfortable with discomfort & risk, leaning into the power of vulnerability, practicing trust, and releasing perfectionism)
Serving (the organization, the ECE field, educators, the community, children & families)
Joy/Fun (finding joy in the work, getting creative & using my brain differently)
WOW...not only does this new role already sound more exciting & empowering to me, but it just came into full alignment with some of my highest values.
By simply changing my perspective and looking for the OPPORTUNITY in this experience, I just took the wind right out of the sails of those fears.
So what would be possible if you were to face your fears, honestly and courageously, and then apply a new lens to your own life?
Here’s my invitation to you:
Bring to mind a situation or task that is currently causing you stress, anxiety, or fear. Name all the fears and worries coming up. And then ask yourself:
-how likely is it that these things may occur?
-what skills & strengths do I currently have within me that I could bring to this scenario?
-what is the WORST that could possibly happen?
(Imagining worst case scenarios can often help reduce our level of fear by bringing it up out of the darkness and into our awareness, as well as help us come up with action plans/support systems/strategies to prepare for those scenarios)
Next, take a different perspective: What potential OPPORTUNITIES can you see within this situation or task?
Lastly, consider: Where can you practice letting go? What kind of support would help you feel more prepared/set up for success? And how will you seek this support for yourself?
You’ve got this!
Yours in love, light, and wildness,
Becky
