I Accept!
“Accept, then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it...This will miraculously transform your whole life.”
- Eckhart Tolle
Resistance is often at the heart of our stress. And that resistance often arises when we judge the present moment.
I was doing a guided meditation the other morning that inspired me to approach my work for the day with a heart full of acceptance. Well, the universe heard me and decided to find out how serious I was about that intention…
From the moment I walked through the door of my job, it was one challenge to navigate after another. The tension (both my own and that of my co-workers) was palpable that morning as “this didn’t get done” or “that person called out” or “this isn’t working” or “we don’t have enough of what we need” or “this kiddo is having a rough morning.” It was the first 30 minutes of my day, and I was already annoyed, frustrated, elevated, and stressed out.
All the while, though, I was highly aware of that intention I made of acceptance, and then it hit me...WOW. I’m RESISTING and making negative judgments about myself, about the actions of others, and about unexpected situations all. the. time!!
Our brains are wired to help us survive. And focusing on “what’s wrong” is the modern day equivalent of watching out for the hungry lion who might be out to eat us.
While this tendency is not a bad one (it is, after all, rooted in self-protection and self-preservation), if left unexamined, it can slowly erode our sense of well-being, our productivity, and our joy. Thoughts of “I’m bad at this” or “I’m failing” or “You’re not doing what I want you to do” or “You’re wrong” or “Nothing is working right” or “I need to fix this” drag our energy downward, making us more reactive and disengaged from our work & life, and leaving us feeling chronically dissatisfied and stressed.
Now, are you open to a potentially uncomfortable observation? ;)
You are likely not only making critical judgments about people and situations many times throughout your day, but also (and even more so) about yourself. (Because that old adage that we’re our own worst critic is true!)
And you may be completely unaware that you are even doing this.
Judgment can quickly become this habitual white noise in our heads that drives our feelings and behaviors in ways that don’t serve us best or help us achieve our big dreams and goals.
When I say acceptance, I don’t mean passiveness. I don’t mean allowing harmful behaviors to go unchecked. And I don’t mean resignation. Rather, I refer here to the Buddhist interpretation of the word, which means to stay present to whatever is happening and to be with an experience without trying to control it.
So how do we do this when we’re so habituated to resisting and judging to achieve the illusion of safety for ourselves?
Here are a few strategies I’ve found helpful:
*Become aware of what you’re feeling in this moment: Do you notice a surge of anger or frustration? A tightness in your gut or your shoulders? A constriction of the breath? Heat rising up into your face? Or a sense of defiance, of turning away, or a dip in motivation? This is your body telling you that you are judging the moment, the situation, the person, or yourself as “bad” or “not enough” or “problematic.” Just acknowledge that this is happening right now.
*Ground Yourself: Breathe, notice your feet on the ground, move your body in a way that feels supportive, or look up (literally: up at the ceiling, out at a larger view, or even out a window if that’s a choice)
*Release: Ask yourself, “What can I let go of right now, in this moment, to feel more spacious and at ease? What don’t I have control over? Can I just be okay with that right now?”
*Choose compassion: AFTER you’ve become aware, grounded yourself, and found a way to release even a little of the resistance/judgment, apply a compassionate lens to the situation: “I am doing the best I can right now. This other person is doing the best they can right now. We are all doing the best we can with the resources & information we have at every given moment.”
*Reflect: AFTER you’ve tapped into that place of compassion, consider:
—What is my resistance or judgment trying to protect me from?
-Do I still need that kind of protection at this time in my life?
(Often those little judgmental Gremlin voices arise when we’re young, in moments of turmoil or pain, and don’t know that we’re all grown up now)
-How is my judgement of another person a reflection of a part of MYSELF that I haven’t fully accepted yet?
If you were able to truly accept all of yourself and all that arises in your life & work, what impact would that have on your happiness, fulfillment, and relationships with others?
Where in your life do you want to give acceptance a try today?
I love hearing from my readers, so drop me a line let me know your thoughts on the topic of acceptance and any actions you’d like to take moving forward!
In love, light, and wildness,
Becky
P.S. - To my long-time readers: that photo of me and Mischa jumping for joy was taken a couple of weeks ago, just after our offer on our new house was accepted! :)
