Making Friends with Anxiety

”Anxiety asks you to embrace the gift of who you are...it’s when you stop seeing your sensitivity as a burden and instead recognize it as the gift it is that you will begin to heal hurt places inside you and bring your full presence to the world.” - Sheryl Paul

How often do you find yourself in a state of anxiety?

The tight and constricted breathing...the racing thoughts and rapid heartbeat...the sense of dread in the pit of your stomach...a groundlessness that can feel down right frightening?

And how do you typically respond when anxiety shows up? Do you lean into it and get curious, or run for the escape hatch?

I’ve had a life-long relationship with anxiety.

I came into this world a highly sensitive soul (as many of us do), thanks to a combination of my own natural being and some family traits & histories passed down to me through the generations. While I was a relatively happy and confident kid, I went through periods of intense and overwhelming anxiety during my early elementary school years. A tornado ripping through our rural county one year stoked some of my first fears of death, of being separated from my family, of not having any control over something that could cause so much harm and destruction. That sense of powerlessness morphed into a crippling separation anxiety that took me years to work through with the help of a counselor (so much gratitude to you Mr. Fritsche, may you rest in peace), adult family members, and caring teachers who showed patience and compassion for my struggles.

Fast forward many years of therapy, spiritual practices, support groups, lifestyle changes, and my own inner work, and I can say that anxiety no longer has the tight grip on me like it once did.

And yet, it has never really left me. It hums in the background like a familiar song every day. And sometimes, its volume gets turned WAY up...

This week has been a “loudly” anxious one for me.

At first, I didn’t understand where it was coming from. I felt the “Sunday scaries” coming up on Sunday evening, as they sometimes do. But Monday morning was a full-on assault. I awoke with an overwhelming sense of dread. As I went through my morning routines I felt shaky, my breathing was shallow, I felt like lying back down and bursting into tears. I managed to work my way through it and make it through my day, but Tuesday morning brought more of the same. Wednesday was, mercifully, a day off spent in the woods, and I as I hiked the trail, some deep healing & realizations emerged for me:

I am going through a period of change.

In my work life: a week of different schedules, in different classrooms, with different children & teachers, and different routines (short-term change).

In my personal life: about to make one of the biggest purchases & commitments of my life by buying a house with my partner, and to say goodbye to the neighborhood & routines I’ve become accustomed to (long-term change).

And CHANGE, dear ones, no matter how big or small, no matter how brief or enduring, can be a primary driver of anxiety for us sensitive souls (aka, humans).

NO WONDER I’ve been feeling like the ground is being pulled out from beneath me!

And this anxiety, despite the discomfort and pain it causes, has been a GIFT: it’s helped me to recognize and honor what I’m experiencing, to slow down, to take care of myself, to show up as best I can exactly where I’m at, and to practice acceptance of the things I have no control over (turns out that’s pretty much anything that exists outside of myself).

So, in honor of and gratitude for this experience, I’m dedicating this newsletter to the gifts of anxiety and to some of the strategies & resources that I’ve found helpful in working with (instead of against) it. May it be helpful to you during those anxious moments in your own life!

1. To Read: The Wisdom of Anxiety by Sheryl Paul

This book is chock-full of soul-soothing brilliance and strategies to calm the over-active nervous system. Written from one sensitive soul to another, Sheryl’s personal story and wisdom have pulled me out of my own darkness on many an occasion. She teaches us that our sensitivity is something to celebrate, and that anxiety serves as a wise messenger telling us to turn inward and tend to ourselves & what’s important to us. I love her powerful cut-through question for times when anxious thoughts arise and persist:

What is this anxious thought protecting me from FEELING?

If you don’t have time to read her book, you can check out her interview on the Insights at the Edge podcast here. You won’t regret taking the time to listen.

2. To Practice: Ocean Breathing

When I’m anxious, breathing suddenly becomes this frightening monster with whom I become locked in battle. And when I can’t get a deep breath, my anxiety spirals. A wise friend & skilled shamanic healing practitioner taught me the yogic technique of “Ocean Breathing” to calm, soothe, and empower my body and nervous system. I use this now in the mornings when I’m meditating, when I’m sitting with the children during the nap time hour at school, and when I can’t get to sleep at night. It’s amazing how quickly it helps me ground and relax. Here’s a short video demonstrating this simple but powerful technique.

3. To Listen: Guided Meditations and Sound Healing

I have found that, when I’m in a highly anxious state, meditating or sitting in silence seems to amplify my racing thoughts and feelings of panic. One strategy I’ve found to be much more calming and soothing to my system is the use of guided meditations that feature a teacher’s voice, relaxing music, or, my favorite, sound healing (through the use of bowls, bells, chimes, and other resonant instruments). You can find a treasure trove of them for FREE on the Insight Timer website or app.

Note: I also find that MOVING my body, rather than sitting, can feel more calming to me during anxious periods.

3. To Create: Morning Pages

What to do with those obsessive and intrusive thoughts? Dump ‘em out! Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way, has taught for decades about the writing exercise known as Morning Pages. I’ve come to adopt a version of this exercise for myself most mornings (I only do 2 pages instead of 3), and it’s remarkable how much more steady and connected I feel after writing down all the thoughts and questions swirling through my head. I’ve noticed that on my most anxious mornings, my writing starts out full of fear and pain, and through the process of wringing all that out, I end in a place of hopefulness and love.

4. To Remember: Be kind to yourself.

You are not broken. And you do not need to just “get over it.” Anxiety is hard and sometimes feels awful, but it doesn’t have to be your enemy. Consider what would be possible if you were to get curious and turn towards it, as you would a friend in need.

You get to be your own inner parent now, tending to that scared and wounded inner child who is yearning to be held in anxious moments. As Sheryl Paul says, when you approach your anxiety with “compassion, curiosity, stillness, and gratitude”, you will befriend it and come out of the experience wiser and more grounded than before. Soothe and comfort yourself in whatever way supports your well-being, and trust that your anxiety is always directing you towards something that needs your kind attention.

*What soothes and grounds you during times of anxiety?

*Which of these (or other) practices might you want to try out next time you feel anxiety arise?

*What support might you need to turn inward & towards what’s calling your attention?

Yours in love, light, and wildness,
Becky

P.S. - Did you know that moving your body out in nature is also one of the most effective strategies for understanding and soothing anxiety? If you’re in the Seattle area, check out my new Hiking & Coaching Package that will launch this Summer 2022 (dates to be announced soon)! Drop me a line if you want to know more and/or would like to sign up!